YESTERDAY.............

I'm good to go for another three to five years.  The actual colonoscopy was a snap to get through, the prep is another story.  Ugh!  I awoke at five in the morning the day of the procedure and was suppose to drink more of that wretched liquid.  That didn't work at the hour in the morning.  Blah!  I just figured they'd have to deal and do whatever they could.  They found a few minor things, but all is fine.

My good friend drove up from South County, above and beyond the all of duty, to pick me up and schlep me to my appointment.  She came back to pick me up and we went to lunch.  I'm always glad to see her and we have a great connection.  It is nice to be able to talk to someone about anything without having them be judgemental. Some of it is our ages that are close, and the other is our personalities that mesh.  I'm forever greatfull to my husband who introduced me to she and her husband years ago, when he sold them a house. We have maintained a friendship ever since.

After lunch she dropped me off and I decided I better rest since Vet man was picking me up up to go to dinner that evening.  I couldn't sleep but did stay prone on the sofa.  Vet man showed up right on time, usually he is early, and we had a drink before we left the house.  He is so involved in the Elks and is working the Convention for six thousand people in the hospitality suite.  The suite isn't open to all, just about fifty or so people.  He asked me if I could help and I told him I would.  I'm not thrilled with wearing an Elk golf type shirt.  they are so ugly, at least on me.  I've never been a t-shirt person.

It is nice to go out with someone and have a decent conversation about a lot of things without worrying about being pawed to death afterwards.  He had turned into a good friend. At least on my end of it.  He just got back from the Caymans with his daughter and her friend and they had a great time.  He needed that break from some personal things and his job with the veterans at the hospital.

During the day I sent Bruno an email telling him I was finished with my icky procedure and he responded asking if we could do Saturday night instead of Friday.  Saturday is actually better as Friday is a nightmare on the freeways for him and he can get her earlier on Saturday.  He is changing out a wall plug for me and will get here a little earlier in the day.  I shot myself in the foot after our "dust up." The garbage disposal he was going to change for me ended up by me hiring a plumber that cost me a friggin fortune to have installed.

It is going to be Cinco d Mayo, at least I imagine they will celebrate it on Saturday not Friday, I told him that we should make reservations wherever it is we will be going.  He said I thought I would like La Cave better then the Elks, how right he was, and that is where we will be headed Saturday night.

La Cave has a DJ spinning top 40's, 80's and 90's music.  La Cave also has the best food.  The restaurant has been there since the sixties and it is in the basement of a building.  You take an elevator down to the place.  I'm hoping things go alright.  Bruno and I have had our moments as of late, although he did come down and take me to lunch last week.

Tonight I'm headed for the Elks for a meeting and tomorrow I have dinner plans with an ex-neighbor of mine.  She and I have remained friends for over thirty five years. So today I'm headed out to do errands and see someone that is in the hospital before I go to my meeting.

The week is pretty much planned.

WEEKEND AND COUNTING...

My standby Vet man is back from the Cayman Islands and called today.  He asked me out to dinner for Monday night.  I have a friend that is after him and she has no idea that we see each other occasionally.  All of us are on the Marine Corp Ball Committee so we will be seeing each other once or twice a month, if not more.  I did see him at the meeting last week but it was short and sweet.  He left afterward to go to another meeting and I left to go home.

It is another weekend, God the time goes fast, and I at least got a few things done.  Two cabinets in the service porch cleaned out and organized, ironing, watering plants, vacuuming, which I do everyday and various little things to take up the day.  Around 3:30 I pooped out and fell asleep on the sofa for a half an hour.

I should make it a point to go out as the weather is beautiful.  In the high 80's.  I haven't even gone out to the mailbox and it is after six.  Guess I should make an effort to walk the one hundred and eighty steps and pick up the mail.

I'm continuing this on Sunday.  I've been awake since 7:30.  Today is the day I get myself prepared for the colonoscopy I'm having tomorrow.  A very good friend of mine is coming up from South County to take me for this lovely ordeal.  I'm hoping this is the last of my maintenance appointments for the year. I'm not hungry, which is a good thing since you can only have clear fluids. To wile away the time I've been reading my Kindle and dozing. How productive.

Nothing much else to write about right now as everything has been quite on the home front.and I am hoping it stays that way.

THE SAGA GOES ON.........

I did go to my Marine Corp Ball meeting.  Everyone and I mean everyone kept asking me what was wrong.  First of all I ordered a club soda to drink, that threw them, as I always have scotch and water.  Secondly, I was fairly quiet and business like. I have been in a pissy mood over a lot of things.  Bruno, finances, house and me maintenance.  I know everything passes and things smooth out one way or the other, but in the meantime it is difficult to get through some things.

The meeting went fairly well.  There were a few suggestions that I didn't agree with such as moving the venue to Garden Grove.  We had around two hundred and twenty people last year and the probably will be more attending this time.  The revenue from the bar alone is substantial and Santa Ana could use that money.  It remains to be seen if that happens. Everything ended up in the air and the next meeting, next month, we should have a better handle on things.

Ah yes, the Bruno saga.  We had many short emails back and forth.  He had gone to Alabama a week early due to our "dust up."  I asked if he meant the dust storm in  Alabama or our dust up. I got an answer back that said,  "Jesus Christa"  OURS!  I think I frustrate him as much as he frustrates me.

He was coming to Orange County to make arrangements to get one of his cars spiffed up and we made arrangements to go to lunch.  After almost three years of seeing each other saying good bye online didn't seem right.

He said I was totally over reacting.  That Maude was married and after checking the internet, she is married to a high profile retired Judge who handles Zsa Zsa Gabors affairs. Bruno and only he had been invited to this fund raising dinner. It wasn't a date etc, etc, etc. He just sat next to her.  He said he isn't seeing anyone else....I can believe that since he is never in town and travels all the time.  He is a work alcoholic, normally working seven days a week.  Now that he has bought this energy company and is thinking about buying a factory near Mexico, plus building Holiday Expresses all over the country, his time is limited.  He tries to see his kids and grand kids, who live all over the country as often as he can.  So time to date is limited.

I know I said over was over, but truthfully I can't do that at this time.  I have an investment in Arizona with him and fourteen others and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by saying good bye forever ,and the money, although I know good bye is in the future.  I swear vacillation should be my middle name. I could go into all the other reasons, but at this time I should just keep my mouth shut, not something I do well, and bite the bullet. He is who he is and so am I.  He is in Arizona this weekend for a first birthday and when he comes back we have a date to go out on Friday night.  I know, I'm crazy, but I'm hoping I'm crazy like a fox.

Actually I should be pleased that things are what they are.  It gives me time to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Heavens knows I have plenty to do.  I'm digging myself out of my funk and know if I could get the bags under my eyes to go away from sinuses and crying I'll be in great shape.  Maybe time for another eye lift.  Ha!

So the saga goes on.

REINVENTION

I probably should take the heading of Online Senior Dating off of this Blog since I've been off those sites for months. Now that I've wasted three years of my life with Bruno I feel I really am to old to get back into that fray.  It isn't that I can't meet men, I do, but I just can't meet one I like.  I guess that is why I was so taken with Bruno.  We had such a strong chemistry and compatibility. So much for that idea

Through the last three years off and on I've dated doctors, lawyers, judges, business men, stockbrokers, you name it.  I've found that there wasn't one of these men that didn't have one thing on their mind.  My friend blames it all on Viagra. She may be right.  You either have chemistry with them or not and not is a big word in my thinking.  I guess that is why I know so many women that prefer to be alone. It is such a hassle.

Yesterday I sat in a pile on the couch and didn't do one thing. I had a long talk with myself about going onward and upward. Today I feel a lot better and will try to organize my "train crash" thoughts into a more positive look forward.

I'm going to a meeting tonight for the 2nd Annual Marine Corps Birthday Ball.  I wasn't going to get involved again, as it is a lot of work.  Considering I have nothing else to do at this point I at least will have a focus instead of sitting around saying, " poor me."

As my one friend points out, most of us are very blessed.  We have a roof over our heads, lots to eat, friends that love us, and general good health.  I am trying to remember this and not be maudlin about my goodbye to Bruno, which was going to happen sooner or later. There were a few reasons I was still hanging on having to do with an investment I made with him and others in Arizona. I may have shot myself in the foot by ending our relationship, but for my sanity I just couldn't continue. His ground rules were all for him and I was stupid enough to agree.  I know myself and I don't like to share.

Today is another day and I have lots to do around the house before I head out to the meeting this evening.  Positive is going to be a word I'm going to get into my vocabulary.

LAST NIGHT................

I attended a meeting last night being held in our neighborhood.  There is a women that lives here that is spearheading a disaster relief organization for the two hundred plus home owners we have in our tract.

This women is working close with the City of Irvine and the first responders such as the fire department, police department, and gas company.  She and the committee, which she wants me to join, are working on holding a BBQ in Sept.to have the above groups come to speak about what is to be done in case of a major disaster, such as earthquake or flood.  It is not a question of if, but when.

We do have the Irvine companies Rattlesnake Dam behind us and should there be a major quake it is a strong possibility that the earthen dam would affect us.

I don't know if I want to get involved in yet another thing.  I'm again on the Marine Ball Committee for the event in November and it takes a lot of work.  I also joined a book club,finally, and will be going to that discussion, albeit, only once a week.

The huge problem that looms is the fact that a lot of the people living in this tract are another ethnicity.  We have Indian, Korean, Chinese, Iranian, and other ethnic people, some who do not speak English. Getting anyone to participate in anything is questionable. Telling them what is going on and having them understand it is another story.

I am always in awe of people that want to get so involved in doing things.  I have always been someone who doesn't like to join groups.  I've forced myself to get involved and it usually works out okay, but it still isn't my preference.  I would probably be a recluse if I didn't push myself out the door.

I've always found, that even in a crowd, I stand alone.  It's a funny feeling not to be connected even though you are connected.  This is not a new feeling but one that I've had all my life.  Kind of like "alone in the crowd."  I think it is because I never have really found my niche.  There are so many things I could have done, but I couldn't really focus on one thing that would have been something that would have made the alone feeling go away.

My job in Beverly Hills was probably the closet thing I had to melding with other people.  Now that I'm behind the "Orange Curtain." in the land of soccer moms and bedroom city it has magnified the out of place feeling.  Funny that I can fit in anywhere but nowhere.

Enough of being maudlin.  I need to get myself busy today and go through some of the garage.  What fun that will be . Even though I've gotten rid of tons of things I still have more to get rid of.  I'm never sorry to see items go.  Cathartic for sure.

DUST UP......

I think, I finally have had a "come to Jesus" moment with Bruno.  He has pulled and said one thing to many that has put me over the edge.

He had established when we met that our relationship was going to be casual.  I accepted that and we have been going out for almost three years on that premise.  However, being casual and having other women rubbed in my face is not acceptable.

When he came to see me Wednesday after almost five weeks he wasn't in the house five minutes when he announced he was going to a fund raising dinner Saturday night and asked me to guess who his date was.  He had mentioned this before he left for Spain, but I had forgotten the whole thing.  Well out of his mouth came the Swedish model/actress Maude Adams.  She was in the James Bond movies and was Octopussy.  I didn't say anything at the time, but after he left I got angry and sent him an email that told him he wasn't very smart for a smart man.

Let's face it, casual or not, a women doesn't want to hear about another women, especially when the man she is with has beddy bye plans and announces this little bit of news.  I sent him a scathing email and in response got a since we had this "dust up," his words ,he felt neither one of us would have a pleasant evening Friday and he wasn't driving down. Boy was he right on that one.  He did have the courtesy to say it was a very hard decision.

I thought about all of the things he has pulled in all the time I've known him and decided for my sanity I needed to end this relationship.  It was a hard decision on my part but I know no matter how painful it is I need to stop seeing him.  It is so hard at my age to find anyone that is acceptable and in my wisdom I've again, gone for the "bad boy."  Guess we never grow up.

Since we met online I thought it only fitting that I end it, by email, online.  The interesting thing is the response I got from him mentioned nothing about my email saying I was saying good bye to him.    He just said he had gone to bed early Friday night, ALONE...... that statement was not related to anything I had put in my email.  He has done this before.  I think he thinks if he ignores things that it it will go away.

I received his above non response on Saturday.  He keeps saying let the dust settle.  I know he is leaving town this coming week and will be gone until the middle of the week following.  After a back and forth exchange, I ended up saying I was trying to be Zen at this point and he said " great, lets both be Zen."

Of course nothing has changed.  He still went out with Maude, although he said it wasn't a date and he hadn't asked her but had been included as a one man show to go to this fund raiser for the LA mayor's. race by his Swedish friends. Actually she probably is perfect for him.  Five foot nine, (my height) sixty eight, attractive and famous and lives in Los Angeles.  Whether he spent the night with her is up for grabs.  It is Hollywood/Beverly Hills after all.  He had previously dated Julie Newmar who just turned eighty, so older women, who are famous, are in his DNA. I remember asking him one time, "why since he knew all these high powered women he was dating me."  That response was it was because he liked me. Yeah right.....just not enough.  I will no longer put up with being second best.

I don't know if I will ever hear from him again after the exchange we had and frankly I hope that this is the end.  I can't keep doing this yo-yo thing with him and his inability to commit to anything drives me crazy. I'm tired of being upset and I've probably have cried more tears over him then I have my whole life over anyone.  This isn't me and I deserve better then to be someone's booty call when he is in town.  Of course I figure not many women will put up with his being gone all the time.

So, we will see if the above holds true and I can get on with my life.....I certainly hope so.

THE GUY IS BACK....

Bruno drove to Orange County to see me yesterday for a nano second. He walked in saying,  "honey I'm home."  After almost five weeks it is about time.

 My garbage disposal is still kaput and he told me he would see i f he could fix it.  I didn't have an Allen wrench so he told me he would bring one. When he arrived he had some kind of tool in his hand, not an Allen wrench.  He said he had gone to his warehouse and couldn't find what he was looking for and decided he better get on the freeway or he would never get to my place. As it was it took him almost two hours.

I have a feeling that the garbage disposal is shot but he said when he comes back on Friday with Allen wrench in hand he would fix it or replace it for me.He did try the stick thing but that didn't work either.  It turns and hums but that is it. He was short on time so it didn't get fixed. Nice to have a man that knows what they are doing. In my youth when I was planning on four husbands, my thought was that one of them should know construction.  Well, he isn't a husband, but he knows construction inside and out.

I don't like asking anyone for help but he told me it wasn't a problem.  Maybe I should make a list of all the little things I need done and he can get to it.  Ha!

He had two meetings scheduled, so after being with me for a couple hours he left to do whatever it is he does. He is coming back early afternoon on Friday and then Friday night we are going out to dinner, no dancing, at least for me, the toe is not able to do a jig yet. He is so funny.  He loves to dance and said he would have to ask someones wife to dance and tell them his girlfriend was broken.  I'll give him broken!

After he took off I decided to leave and take a tip to a waitress that I didn't tip the other night.  She is such a sweetheart and  it just got lost in the shuffle, so off I went to do that.  It also was spaghetti night at the Elks and I thought I'd also go there and have dinner.

There is a man at the Elks, my age, that has been trying to date me forever.  He bought me a drink and chatted on about  nothing in particular.  I wouldn't go out with him, as his reputation isn't super, and more then a deal breaker is he smokes. Ugh!  I did sit with him for dinner and a friend of his but as soon as I was finished I left.

I received a text from the Indian man that wanted to know where I was....another smoker and not on my radar.  I keep thinking one of these days I might meet someone, other then Bruno, that fills the bill and is more available then the boy.  One can't have a relationship with a man that travels over two hundred and sixty days a year.  Next week he is off to Alabama for a week.

So today is stay home and regroup.  Tomorrow is another day.