GONE FOR A WHILE...

Today is the last day I will be entering anything on my Blog for a while.  I go into the hospital tomorrow for my knee surgery and don't know when I will be able to get back tot the computer to add anything.

I'll keep everyone in my thoughts.

Love and hugs....

CLOSER TO OPERATION DAY....

Two more days and then the dreaded operation on my knee, for the third time.  I'm hoping this will be it and I may have to do someone in if it doesn't work.  I'm going in with a positive attitude that this will be better then the last two times.  Everyone has said the doctor is the best in the hospital so I'm going with that.  My friend gave me a pre-surgery CD that has wonderful calming advice on it.  The studies at UC Davis proved that people that listen to this CD do better then people that don't, even if they only listen to it once. 

Veteran man came at 8:45am yesterday morning and took me to breakfast.  We went shopping after that for items for his house that he is redoing for him.  It was his parents home and he is now making it his.  He plans on living there for two more years and then moving back to Florida.

We looked at gas fireplace logs, furniture and found a very cute porcelain cane holder for his entry.  He decided to purchase a bench and two chairs.  Then off to the framers to get his prints matted and framed.  It only took us until noon and that was including going to his house to see what he had done with his furniture placement in the living room.  All in all it was a successful morning and he got a lot accomplished.  He brought me back to my house and I had the rest of the day to putz around and rest.

I sent Dez the wording on a couple tee shirts I found in a catalog. I couldn't resist.  One said, "the reason that Santa was Jolly was that he knew where all the bad girls live."  the other for me said, "be naughty, save Santa a trip."  It all sounds good to me.  Ha!

Dez answered me and wanted to know if I had been naughty or nice and I said it was always nice to be naughty.  Ah, Santa and his elfette.   He is such a clever word master.  I won't go into what else was said, but he does make me laugh.

I also heard, on Facebook, from the thirty four year old man that writes lyrics for a living and has his own company.  I was conversing with him a lot a long time ago, but ended up blocking him from yahoo messenger when I thought he was getting to involved and wanted to see me.  He is nice looking, six four, two hundred and seventy five pounds of muscle.  Way, way to young but sure good looking. He said on Facebook that he really wanted to talk to me again.  I don't think so, that is just what I need in the mix, a child.

Also on Facebook a man popped up that had contacted me a long time ago.  He wants to meet and says he is very respectful and loves to laugh.  At least he is older, but again, not my type......I need to focus on me right now and I know that.  It is interesting how these guys come back though and at least gives me hope that should Dez leave for Marrakesh for years I will have choices.

My nephew, who passed away in a car accident over four years ago, best friend, who lives in Tahoe sent me a comment on Facebook too.  He and my nephew would come out almost every summer to stay with me when they were little boys.  We have always kept in touch and I consider him my third nephew.  He is such a great guy.  He sent me lots of love and I'm so impressed with him.  He is now a fitness instructor and looks terrific.  I wish him a wonderful life, he deserves it.

So, today is a packing day for the hospital and re-hab center in case I go there.  My doctor seems to think I will be coming home after the operation.  We'll see.

Happy Saturday!

THANKSGIVING.....

I woke up this morning thinking that no matter what the "blips" are on the road I am very blessed to have what I have.  Good friends, relatives, a roof over my head and food on the table.  All the little annoyances pale compared to most of the rest of the world's problems.  Not enough to eat, war and the struggles of everyday life just to stay alive.  I have to try and remember all of this when I think things are getting bad.

Desi sent me a fairly long text, at least for him, telling me what was going on in Morocco.  He said he felt like a Legionnaire.  He had been through his first Sirroco, said the beaches were beautiful, the food good and as they were driving around in their Land Cruisers, people almost genuflected and the sheep herders parted ways for passage for them.  He said it was due to the logo on the Cruisers being from the King....he still hasn't made a decision regarding the job but I really think he is leaning towards doing it,  I sent him an email today saying "Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy the cous cous, lamb, veggies and fruits" and got one in return from him saying Happy Thanksgiving to you too Lucie."

Veteran man texted me last night and wanted to take me to dinner.  I agreed and we went to the Elephant Bar for dinner around seven thirty.  He was cooking for the Homless Vets today and then going to dinner at a friends house.

When he first came over, before we left for dinner, we sat and had a drink and I told him that I didn't want him to feel like I was using him or leading him on.  He said what he was doing was his choice and he was totally enthralled, his words, that I would even consider seeing him.  Just call me Miss Femme Fatale.  I wish men wouldn't get so enamoured, at least the ones that don't much matter.  The ones  you want to be head over heels, aren't.  Or if they are, they are playing it close to the vest. I always want what I want when I want it and I usually get it eventually.  Power of positive thinking. He also brought me a huge cinnamon roll for Thanksgiving morning. If I keep seeing him I'm going to gain all the weight back I lost.  Must watch that.

Veteran man and I had a nice dinner and he brought me home and left right away.  I'm always grateful there is no grouping and me fending off.  Again I wish I could love Vanilla and not Rocky Road. I think there is something sorely lacking in my make up to not feel any chemistry with Vanilla and to absolutely love Rocky Road. Must be the bad boy syndrome even at my age.  Think one would learn.

My brother says I should be content to sit in front of the fire at my age and relax.  He sure doesn't know me.  I refuse to get old, at least mentally and physically for as long as I can.  Doesn't he know that seventy is the new fifty....at least in my head.  Although I've been hearing how young I look for so long that I'm beginning to believe my own press.  The fact that men in their thirties, forties and fifties are interested at least fluffs me up even if I wouldn't see any of them.

There have been more then several blips with the upcoming operation and will go into that later.

I was invited to have Thanksgiving with long time friends today and am looking forward to it.

Love and hugs and Happy Thanksgiving

MONDAY.........

The weather has been cool and raining, enough so that I had the fireplace on most of the day, Sunday.  I still was pretty tired from Saturday's events, so did a few things around the house and then did nothing but watch t.v. and read.

Veteran man called and wanted to come over.   I wanted to tell him no, but since he was so helpful in getting everything to the place it needed to be I didn't think I should.  He did come over after dinner, he is always early, and we again sat and talked. He is a very patient and respectful man.

I had several emails from Desi during the day which was fine until the last email which he sent in Arabic.  That just about put me over the edge.  I fired an email back telling him that the least he could do is use the English alphabet.  He immediately replied that he was just trying out the Google site and I should relax as it was nothing important. I had tried to get a translation but to no avail. When he knows I'm upset he tells me to relax....silly boy, not in my vocabulary.

This morning I decided to try another site, Bing, and lo and behold, after copy and pasting the words they came up in English.  They wording was a little garbled but at least I got the gist of the whole message.  He was right, it really didn't say anything.  I think if I had been less tired and in a better mood I would have let the whole thing go, but I was totally snappy when I emailed him about the Arabic message.

I had an email this morning, early, from Veteran man begging me to go to breakfast with him Friday and to his house to see the new paint that the workmen just finished and then to go shopping for a fireplace log and mirror for the entry.  He had asked me the night before when he was here and I said okay, but for some reason he wanted to affirm it again.

Yesterday I also had a nice conversation with my brother.  He has always been a constant in my life.

So, things are okay, just need to get through this week to get to the hospital next week.

ONE THING OVER AND ANOTHER TO BEGIN...

The Fashion show is over and was a huge success. There were three hundred people in attendance.  Veteran man same to my house at 7:15 am and loaded everything in his car for me and took it to the show and unloaded it.  What a nice man he is and he came into my life at a time I need someone to be there for me.  He is so willing to be helpful in anyway he can.

After working to get all the decorations on the stage and tables it was time to change clothes to have lunch.  Then time to dress in the outfits I was modeling on the ramp  It is always a big deal and there were fifteen models, including men.  The guys had a great time modeling what not to wear.  Mostly underwear with wigs, bras, etc.  They really were the hit of the show.  So, from 7:45am until 4:00pm I was running around doing things.  Needless to say I went to sleep early and woke up late.  I'm hoping this will be my last go round doing this function.  Let someone else take over for a change.

So now, one thing down and my pre-op things to go before my operation next Monday the twenty eighth. I will be so glad when this episode is over....it has to work this time or else.

I had an email from Desi this morning.  He was in Nice.  He said he hadn't made any decisions yet and was flying to Morocco on Tuesday.  I thought it was going to be in Spain for one night, but that obviously changed.  I emailed him back and told him that I had resigned myself to what will be will be and that I had gotten along without him prior to meeting him and I'd get along without him should he decide to take the job for three years.  He is the only person I know that can tell you something without imparting anything.  Interesting,

So,today, Sunday is a relax day until this evening when my neighbor takes me out for a belated dinner to Fleming's in Newport Beach.  It is a restaurant on par with Ruth's Chris or Morton's.  Then next week it is another busy time.

Veteran man has texted me last night and first thing this morning.  He is really trying to make me like him.  I should say I like him but not romantically. I  have to much on my plate right now and it is time to concentrate on me and let everything else hang in the wind for now

Patience!

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS, KIND OF.....

Wednesday was a huge day that resolved some things that have been pending.  It was also a very confusing day with not much help from the people that were suppose to know what to do.  However, I got through it and now I'm muddling through the aftermath.  This too shall pass in time.

I had a lot of support from my girlfriend Cathy and Desi ((at least verbally) my DA guy and Veteran Man.  I do have a good support group. Desi left for Europe a day early to go to Texas to have dinner with his oldest son and grand kids and then was taking a late flight out for London which would put him in Great Britain on Thursday morning, today. He'll be in the air coming back when I have my operation.  He said he wanted phone numbers of people to call to see how I was doing and he would come to see me.  Since I'm not to convinced he'll follow through, I'm not holding my breath.  Nothing with him surprises me.

Veteran man came over last night and we had a nice talk.  I told him I need to get myself in order prior to having anything to do with any kind of a relationship.  He is there to help me and that is great.  He is coming over to load up center pieces and take them to the Fashion Show tomorrow. with this knee surgery looming over my head  can't really think about anything else. 

There have been so many phone calls trying to get insurance companies in order and then I received a call today that said my primary care physician won't be on my program anymore.  Always something to upset you, so I either change doctors, which I'm loath to do, or get another insurance company.

So, I'm off to pack accessories and shoes for the three outfits I'm modeling.  I'm also trying to get everything ready to be loaded in the trunk of the car to take to the show.  There are so many details with everything you do I'll almost be glad to be laid up for a month or more to chill out.

Off to pack and get things done.

MORE CHANGES....

To begin where I left off.  Veteran man flew in on Sunday from the East Coast and immediately called me from the airport and said he would be at my house in an hour.  He wanted to go home to shower and shave before he saw me.  He is the most unusal man.  Very committed to keeping in touch but very respectful when he sees me.  He also is very supportive.  He has me a little confused as I'm not use to men that act like that.  He says he is very patient.  I guess he is, as he han't made any moves on me, thank God.

Desi sent an email saying he was busy, busy and how was I doing.  He is leaving for Europe on Thursday and I know he has tons of lose ends to tie up.  I'll see him in December if I make it off the operating table.  I'm sure I will.  I'm too fiesty to go anywhere else but back to my room after the procedure. I've promised everyone that I wouldn't pull an Andy Rooney.

I spent the weekend at home, although I did go out and do a bunch of errands and Monday was another run around day for me.  I need to get everything organized prior to leaving for a month of operation and re-hab.  Might not be that long, but just in case.

I had a call late in the day from Veteran man who asked me to go to his Yacht Club with him for a snack and Monday night football.  Why not?  He came  the house to pick me up and off we went.  The game was very one sided so we left early.  Actully returned home around eight.  He stayed for a couple minutes and left.  It is nice to go out and not have to worry about fending someone off for a change.   Although lately, I have limited my guys to Desi and Veteran man.  The slew of men that I saw the last year I've ignored and decided to forget.  No one memorable. My new motto is ignore, ignore.

The Fashion show is coming up and I got drug into modeling which I didn't want to do.  Someone bowed out and I was it.  I'm none to happy about it, but in a pinch I'll help out.  It is only three outfits so not a full day of stripping and dressing. Although  Co-Chair I have to be there at eight and it ends at four. A tiring day.

Tonight is a meeting and my DA friend wants to ask me a favor. He called me last week but wouldn't say what he wanted.  Like I don't have enough on my plate. Not sure what I can do for him, but I'll see what he wants tonight. I also heard from my good neighbor from the old neighborhood and a few other people.  Life is rolling along and it really is day by day.

Love to all.

BIRTHDAY WEEK ALMOST OVER....

My birthday goes on at least for a week.  I'm blessed to have a lot of friends that want to contact and fete me to dinners, lunches and give me gifts. 

Thursday nights dinner was fun with the girls and it turned into a four and a half hour affair.  People, especially men, wonder what we girls talk about for that long.  There is never a lull in the conversation and there is always a lot of laughter.

The next day my two good girlfriends took me to the Balboa Bay Club for lunch.  One of them gave me the most ginormous sun hat with a beach cover up to match.  The other a Visa gift certificate to spend as I like.  With these plus the ones I received from the girls the night before I made quite a haul. The girls are always so generous with gifts, dinners and lunches. I'm lucky to have them all in my life for so many years.

I'm edging closer to my knee surgery.  I'm hoping the third time is a charm.  Same knee, same pain, big pain!  I'm getting anxious about it and just want it over, this will be through the Christmas holidays and I will be incapacitated during those dates for at least six weeks.  Christmas was never my favorite holiday,  I always preferred Easter....maybe it was the new outfit you got in the Spring.  I always found Christmas to be sad time with people trying to hard to have fun.  New Year's Eve is right along Christmas for a crummy holiday.


There are other things going on in my life that I won't go into but suffice it to say when all is over I can breath again.  It is always the unknown that keeps you awake at night.  One can conjure up all kind of scenarios that are usually worse then the actuality, although this one is pretty bad and self induced.  One would think at my age I'd be smarter, but no!

Life is a learning lesson and if one doesn't learn from your experiences you are a lost cause, no matter how old you are.  I"m hoping I've learn a life lesson this time.  I seem to have skated for years without consequences and now it is time to pay the piper, one way or the other. As Oprah says, "we all have the power to change ourselves."  I need to remember that.

Veteran man made a fast phone call to me yesterday.  He is still on the East coast but said he wanted to touch base.  He is flying home to night and said he would call me when he got back into Orange County tonight. He really has been keeping in touch a lot.  Maybe I'll get smart and gravitate towards him and finally say goodbye to Desi, who is a lost cause when it comes to longevity in a relationship.  Unfortunately it is all about the chemistry and Desi and I do have that, at least for the time being. Guess I'll have to start getting over that one. I know things with Desi will never be normal, whatever that is, he has way too much on his plate.

The one thing that is a plus about being by yourself is that you don't have to answer to anyone or take care of anyone else.  After years of doing just that I should be happy that I don't have to anymore. It is always a process to adjust to life's changes.

Tomorrow my neighbor is taking me out for an early dinner for my birthday.  That should be the end of the celebrating for another year.

Off to do some work around the house.

THURSDAY...

I did go out to a Veterans program on Tuesday night.  It was so well done by the people that put it on.  It honered all the MIA's and POW's plus the three homes in the  Orange County area that are half way house for the homeless veterans, men and women, that are on Orange Counties streets. I was privileged  to sit with ten of these men who have served their country in Viet Nam and Desert Storm. 

Tuesday, my birthday, brought in so many phone calls from everywhere  It was about six thirty in the evening when I left for the event for the vetereans and Desi still hadn't called to wish me happy birthday.  I was more then a little upset by that.  However, on the way, I had a phone call in the car with Desi singing happy birthday and saying he hoped I had had a good day.  He was busy packing things up to go back up North and when he called he was on the road near his destination.  He knew he should have called me sooner and said to me, "I bet you thought I forgot." My answer to that was "no, I thought you were just punishing me."  He can be a brat sometimes, although a handsome one. I really thought since he had come down to take me out he considered that my birthday.   When I returned home that night there was a message on my machine with him singing happy birthday to Lucie and tell Loree to get it to her.  Ah, the Desi - Lucie thing, which will never go away. At least he tracked me down. I find that I totally over think things and cause myself more anquish then necessary.  Reality is not as bad as what your mind can conjure up.


Mr. Veteran man left for the East coast yesterday.  He sent me numerous texts again plus called several times while he was at different airports.  Then after he arrived back East he called me from the hotel.  He really is being attentive.  Why can't I like him more? He is in the process of redoing his home and has asked me to help him find some art work on the internet that he wants.  I told him I would since googling things is no big deal.  Ultimately it is his decision to get what he likes.  He said he thought I had good taste and he loved my home, hence the request. I really am going to try to be receptive to this man. 

Then a surprise call from the man that contacted me from Las Vegas who had been in Europe, Turkey etc.  He wants to fly down to Orange County to meet me.  I told him my time was pretty taken up until after January.  He said he would continue to call me and perhaps we could get to know each other via phone conversations.  At this point in time I wish everyone would go away.  I need to regroup and as long a you are being bombarded you can't focus on youself.

My DA friend is another one.  I don't know what it is about me but I seem to bring out the animal instinct in men.  My cousin told me about a book to read, "The Art of Seduction" that I downloaded on my Kindle.  I was telling the DA about it and he looked at me and said, "why are you reading it, you wrote it."  Oy!  I think I need to start dressing and looking like a little old lady, and look maybe like I look when I get up in the morning.  That should be the way I look all day.  OMG!

Tonight my girlfriends are taking me to dinner.  My one friend is picking me up and then tomorrow is another lunch. 

I'm trying to get paperwork done which is never ending.  Off to the desk to final up things before I need to get myself together for tonight.

BIRTHDAY TODAY.....

I really am blessed to have so many people in my life.  I have had numerous contacts call, email, send cards and generally be there for me.  From New York, Colorado, Ohio, Minnesota, Nevada and near by,  I have heard from a lot of people.  Facebook brought out even more.  I should realize that I'm not alone.  My brother calls all the time and I'm lucky to have such a good relationship with him..  I know so many families that are fractured for one reason or the other.  Timm and I, through the years, have bonded and can talk about anything without being judgemental. I'm lucky to have him in my life.

I plan on staying home most of the day.  I don't think, at least at this point in the day that I will go out.  The weather is cold and my mood is one to make me want to hunker down and do nothing. Although that isn't the case around the house.  There is always something to do.  I blame my Mother, who was a neat freak, for giving me such an over the top work ethic.  God forbid things are a mess. especially in this small house.

I need to start thinking about getting things together for the hospital and for the r e -hab center.  I have to take clothes etc.  Nothing else new at this point.

Thanks to everyone who has been there for me.

MONDAY AGAIN...

I'm sure everyone has noticed that as one gets older the years seem to fly by.  It is that time, space continuum kicking in.  The shorter time you have left to live the faster the time goes to the end.  Pleasant thought.

I did go to the Mall this morning and met with the women who are going to model in the fashion show.  Being the co-chair, I don't have to model this year..  It is a lot of work and not very much fun, contrary to popular belief.

After the meeting with the women I called Veteran man and drove to his house which was close to the Mall.  His cleaning lady was there and he took me on a tour of the house and showed me what he was doing and what had been done.  He refinished all the floors and the wood color is beautiful.  The original floors are red oak and came out a stunning color. I met his dog, a  yellow lab, who was thrilled to have company.  Only labs.

After the tour of the house he drove me over to a small restaurant where we had a salad for lunch.  He had several appointments that afternoon and I needed to get home so we said our goodbyes  when I returned home I had a lot of birthday cards in the mail from so many good friends.  It is wonderful to be remembered and to know that people care.

I also had a several phone calls from people in other States wishing a happy birthday tomorrow.  One of the biggest surprise was a lovely card from my step-grand daughter that I adore.  She is so sweet.  She sent a gift card to Barnes and Noble for me.  My brother and sister in law sent two very generous gifts and my Aunt and cousin in Ohio also sent me a gift certificate to one of my favorite stores. 

I'm so blessed and I think I need to remember that before I go into one of my declines.  Since Sunday was such a horrible day, emotionally for me, I decided to shake myself out of the doldrums and get my act together.  I figure in twenty years when I'm dead and gone, no one will care what I went through or what happened in my life or any one's elses for that matter.

To get off that subject.  I thought I was off all the dating sites/  Low and behold I heard from a man that lives in Los Angeles, to young, but 6'6" tall. He wanted to get to know me. I am always amazed that a young man, this one age forty nine, would want to get to know someone my age.  I know age is only a number and Desi says I don't look or act it, but maybe that is because I'm retarded.  Ha.!  So no, I'm not going to pursue that one for sure.

So that was today.  Things are what they are an it is day by day.

FINALLY GOT IT.....

Cold, raining and miserable on this Sunday.  I actually  have put the fireplace on for warmth not ambiance.  Being in a puddle seems to be the mode of the day.

Last night Desi and I went out for my birthday dinner, which is coming up on November 8. We ended up going to The Five Crowns, which was a big disappointment.  This place was one of my favorite restaurants until last night.  The paper had said that they remodeled and changed the menu.  The remodel, we decided only looked like they had dusted.  What was an obvious change wasn't a big deal.  The service was terrible and the food greasy.  Very disappointing.  However, it was my choice, so I lived with it. Desi was thrilled I couldn't blame him for the choice.

After dinner we drove to Dana Point to Brio to dance to the live band they have on the weekends. We, again, had a good time. Again too, we were noticed by several couples that commented on how good we looked together.  I don't know why people feel the need to tell us that, but it is nice to hear. We do make a statement, probably because we are both tall.

I really wasn't myself.  There have been so many things that have happened and are in the pipeline I am having a hard time being optimistic.  Of course Desi pointed that out and said everything will be fine.  Mr." glass half full". I am a "glass half empty" person and Desi said I "lost the glass." He maybe right.  Might be time for a new glass.

 We have a very strange relationship, if you can call it that  When we first met we said things would only be casual.   Since his work schedule and his being out of town most of the time deems it the only way it can be.  I just need to enjoy the time we have together and stop being a "Gloomy Gussie.  Being free to do what I want when I want is a big plus.  Not having to take care of a man is an even bigger plus. Being able to go out with whom I choose is even better. We basically are at different spots in our lives and I need to remember that. I just need to get my life together and get back on track and I WILL!

So, with that being said, I have decided to  adhere to the casual edict and go on with my life.  When he is around he is around and when not, I"m free to do what I want.  As he said, "you don't know, you may find someone that makes you "star struck." and say goodbye to me.  Who knows he may very well be right  .We decided we would keep seeing each other for fun until the fun goes away. He does drive , sometimes for four to five hours to take me out, so I should realize he really does want to see me and he says he likes me.

So, Veteran man texted me yesterday morning more then once, and then did the same today.  Desi left about an hour before and I wasn't in any mood to talk to Veteran man about anything.  I posed a couple questions to Desi that threw him....good.  One was "what about retirement?"  The second one was, "where do you see yourself ten years from now.  Since Desi only lives the day for the day any thought of future plans threw him.  Interesting?   His answer to the second question was, on a hot beach with a cold beer." and probably living in Europe.  Since he doesn't drink beer I find it an interesting semi plan.

Veteran man wanted to know today if I was okay and I answered "so, so."  Between Desi being elusive and basically a pain in the butt,  the up coming operation on my knee, and a situation coming up I need to handle, plus the fashion show, I'm in a foul mood and not fit company to talk to anyone.

Tomorrow I have an early appointment to help with the fashion show fittings at Cold Water Creek  at the Mall. Then  Veteran man has invited me to stop by to see his house that he just finished remodeling and then go to lunch. There is another text asking me if I'm better.  Will answer it and sign off.

Hope every one's weekend was great.

TUES., WED

Last night I went to a meeting and sat with my friend that is a retired policeman who now works for the DA's office in Santa Ana.  We talked for several hours and had dinner prior to him leaving and me going into the meeting.  I forgot I was suppose to pack boxes for the Veterans, but luckily there were other people there to do that and I really wasn't missed.

Today, I did go to lunch with Veteran man.  He came early and said that he was getting his carpets cleaned and it would be a short lunch.  That was fine with me.  He managed to send me five emails and a couple texts prior to coming to get me.  He really is a nice man and also very respectful  Not your usual man, which makes it interesting.

I'm home tonight and actually there really isn't much happening.  Still working on Fashion Show stuff and will be glad when it is over.  To much pressure and to much to do.

Hugs