WAITING......

It seems to me since I've met Dez I spend a lot of time waiting until he surfaces from his various sojourns.  I will say I would rather sit at home looking at the walls then be with someone I have no connection to or don't really want to be with.  The problem is it can be very lonely sitting at home. 

I either am so busy I've no time to think, which is a good thing, or bored out of my mind, which isn't a good thing.  I do have a lot to do at home, but I have to be in the mood to do the projects that I have in mind.  Cleaning out file cabinets,closets, throwing away shoes, etc is something one has to feel like doing.

As far as my other semi connections.  I have seen Vet man at a meeting this week and that was it.  He has texted me almost every day.  Nothing exciting but at least contact, which Dez never does. Then there was my tall grey haired man, my age who calls me quite often.  He finally has found employment after a long time and is going to at least be more solvent then he has  been in the last several years.  He says now he can take me out. 

I really have to think about the above.  Again I like the man but there really isn't anything there, at least for me.  I will say he can dance and is fun, but not Dez.   Don't ask me what is wrong with me, I couldn't tell you.  I have never, my whole life liked someone like I do Dez.  The only man other then Dez that I was crazy about was when I was in my  twenties.  That guy followed me to California from Ohio.  The reason we didn't work was my fault.  I found the excitement of California, astronauts, football players and Hollywood that was way to  way to enticing. Guess that doesn't say much about my thirty seven year plus marriage to the man that said he loved me.  That is a long story that the only will thing I will say is actions speak louder then words and his definition of love wasn't mine.

My one friend says that there is nothing worse then a bitter women and I do think she is correct.  I try not to thing about the past, although it does form who we are in the future.  So, although there is really nothing going on in my life I will maintain at this point.  Dez is resurfacing next week so in between lunches, dinners, fashion show clothing selections for the modeling stint this coming Saturday I will try to keep busy and keep my mind quite.  Easier said then done.