Today was a stay in day. MP was suppose to come in the late afternoon but called and said he wanted to come earlier. From past experience I know to be ready so I have no surprises should he show up earlier then he says. It has happened before. I said yes because I was ready. Make up, hair etc.
We had hours of conversation, after he arrived, which is one of the things I like about him. There is never a lull in the conversation from job related talk to everything in between. He did keep asking me what was wrong. He thought I wasn't acting like I usually do. I have to admit I was more then a little distant. He kept saying I had a certain look in my eye. He can read me too well.
I was thinking a lot of things. Mostly about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life besides be available for MP. He has never asked me to be, but I want to be. My problem.
He calls thoughts like these "train crash" thoughts and he is so right. Sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot over thinking everything. Mostly you can't do anything about what your thinking and things have to play out.
I am more then a little tired of people putting me in a preconceived box. No one really knows the real me. I wasn't me for so long while I was married it is a relief to be able to be honest about who I am, at least to myself. We all have a public face and persona and when you find someone you can be totally yourself with it is a gift. No pretenses.
My friends want me to find someone to be with on a permanent basis and I'm not ready nor may I ever be ready for that. The relationship I have with MP fills a need for me and I really don't care what people think about it. I'm not thinking marriage or long term commitment. I just want to be with someone once in a while that I enjoy and who enjoys me. It isn't perfect, but what is?
Granted right now his business is all consuming and that, for him, is a good thing. He travels a lot for that business and I'm hoping that will slow down when he finishes his projects. He will drive for hours to see me. If it was just physical he could get that anywhere, as I could. We are cut from the same cloth and are matched opposites. I'm sure people will be appalled to hear that, but to bad.
I have found that no one can live your life but you. If the people you have in your life make you happy then keep them. If they don't keep you happy, move on. I know everyone wants the best for me but it is up to me to determine that best.
I don't mean to get on a soap box but my friends have been making statements when they really don't know what I want or who I really am. I'm sure they would be shocked should they ever find out. Maybe when "Cougar Tracks-Adventures in Online Senior Dating comes out they will. I'm sure it will shock some people. Of course some of the book is real and some is made up. I'll let people figure out what is what. Let just say there is enough in the book to make the "Tea Party" people blush. Sex sells, right?
It was a long time since MP and I had seen each other, six weeks. I was gone, he was gone, and we only kept in touch via email and phone. Even he said we needed to start dating more. Not that I've been sitting at home. I just can't seem to find anyone that appeals to me as much as MP, especially the age appropriate men. God spare me from my age men.
So now that I vented all that I'll close and go watch t.v. More tomorrow.
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